MAKE THE MOMENT LAST

This article is shared by a close friend...from newspaper cutting (The Borneo Post). I like it so much and thinking that it might be worth sharing...

MAKE THE MOMENT LAST:  This may sound familiar to you”  You reach a milestone and you’re happy—for a day.  So you reach higher:  A promotion at work, a dream holiday. But all too soon you’re back to where you started, at least emotionally.

            Happiness researchers know this pattern, too, and have dubbed it the ‘hedonic treadmill’.  So, is lasting happiness possible?  It is.  Half of our happiness level is determined at birth, while external circumstances account for only 10% more.  The remaining 40% of our happiness is within our power to change.  How?  By practicing the habits of thought and action that separate lastingly happy people from the rest of us.  Research has shown how and why certain ways to happiness work.  Here, in no particular order, we highlight the top seven among the tried and true—and show a new approach to each. 

Commit to Goals

            From something personally significant to strive for—and go for it.  Choose goals that are authentic and rewarding; the kind you’d pursue even on holiday.  (The opposite kine, which don’t bring as much happiness, are goals you’d choose for money, status and other external rewards).  Then figure out when, where and how you’ll take steps to achieve them.

Why It Works

            If you’ve ever felt the let-down after reaching a goal you thought would make you happy you’ll know the path towards a goal can be at least as satisfying as the destination.  Much of the joy of the process has to do with the sense of purpose goals provide in your life.  Reaching milestones along the way to major goals also gives you a sense of joy and pride, no matter how briefly and making progress gives you a sense of competence and control.  Committed goal pursuit also forces you to manage your time and gives you something to look forward to.  Finally, pursuing goals often involves other people such as teachers and partners, and these relationships fulfill a deep seated human need to belong.  Keep in mind:  While perseverance is good, it’s best to say flexible.  Sometimes circumstances outside your control force you to give up on a goal—and recent research shows the benefits of doing that.

Spend More Time on Flow Activities

            Devote time to an activity in which you lose yourself—during which you don’t notice time going by.  For some, it’s working with their hands, for instance gardening or needlework.  Reading a good novel or having a great conversation might also put you  in a state of flow.

Why It Works

            Instead of dwelling on the past or fretting about tomorrow, you’re immersed in the present, doing something you love.  In addition, flow activities tend to be productive and controllable—and don’t cause any guilt or other unwelcome side effects.

Keep in mind:  Some things that draw you in just don’t put you in a state of flow.  Most of our leisure time we’re not engaged.  We do need some time to veg out—but if you spend hours in front of TV or on the internet, ask yourself whether you’re really enjoying yourself and what you could be doing instead that’ll be more satisfying.

Nurture Relationships

            Recognise that one person can change a relationship—and seek out ways to invest in your marriage, family and friendships.

Why It Works

            Solid relationships are a strong predictor of your happiness.  The happier a person is, the more likely he/she is to have a large circle of friends, a romantic partner and ample social support—all of which help in practical and emotional ways, especially in times of stress.  Also, relationships go hand in hand with love, which feels good in and of itself.  But often you start taking your marriage or friendships for granted—and that leads to relationship decline.  Fortunately there are many ways in which you can change yourself that will have an impact on your relationships.  Research shows that things such ass admiring the other person, expressing gratitude and spending time together are very effective.  Variety and surprise keep relationships from growing stale and unsatisfying.

Keep in mind:  You’re surrounded by many people, so while your family is important there are plenty of other relationships you can nurture.

Show Kindness

Try to do something that you don’t normally do—give money to a new charity, take your neighbour some muffins you baked or pay someone a compliment.  The things you usually do aren’t going to change your happiness level—but you can do small things that make you feel good and contribute to the world.

Why It Works

Kindness has concrete consequences.  Even a small act of kindness, such as helping someone carry groceries across the street, can start a powerful cascade.  It might boost your mood and make you feel better about yourself, which might make you more creative during a presentation, which might earn a compliment from your supervisor, which makes you better company during lunch with friends, which strengthens those friendships. 

Keep in Mind:  Some forms of kindness—especially full-time care giving—can take a heavy toll, leaving you overwhelmed, unappreciated and resentful.  If you feel you’re already giving a lot of yourself, vary your acts of kindness.

Express Appreciation

            Write a letter thanking someone who’s made a difference in your life—for example, a relative, teacher or mentor at work.

Why It Works

            We tend to get used to much of the good in our lives and take it for granted.  Expressing appreciation forces you to do the opposite.  Also, appreciation starts an upward spiral of good effects too. If you’re genuinely grateful, people will react positively, you might strengthen friendships and you’ll have a charitable perspective in general.  Keep in Mind:  Your gratitude letter doesn’t have to be formal or sentimental.  Do what feels natural to you.  If a funny e-mail is more of your style, go with that.

Cultivate Optimism

            Start an optimism diary.  First, imagine yourself in 10 years, as though all your dreams have come true.  Then deserve what this future looks and feels like, and how you got there.

Why It Works

            Writing about a positive future is not only pleasant—it also makes you clarify your goals and helps you see that they’re attainable.  Optimism motivates us and leads us to take initiative.  If you think you’ll achieve your goals, you’ll try harder to reach them and will persevere even when you hit inevitable obstacles.  Keep in Mind: Contrary to popular opinion, optimistic people aren’t always unrealistic.  While it’s true that the world can be a cruel place, it’s also true that it can be wonderful.  Being an optimist or a pessimist is a matter of which side you choose to focus on.

Cope With Adversity

            When you experience a trauma or a crisis—such as a car accident or bad health news—try problem-focused coping.  This typically means putting aside all other activities, seeking advice, making a plan of action and tackling the plan one step at a time.

Why It Works

            When trauma occurs, we can choose to respond by managing the situation or managing our emotional reaction.  Women tend to favour emotional coping.  This can be healthy, but even at its best it’s no substitute for fixing the car or getting mecial treatment.  People who use problem-focused coping get less depressed as a result of stressful situations.  What’s more, one study has shown that women benefited more from learning problem-based strategies, probably because they already practiced emotional coping.  Keep in Mind:  Not all traumatic events have a practical solution, so a problem-focused approach won’t always work.  In those cases, reach for effective emotional coping tools….

--The Borneo Post--